Dear Sweet Girlies,
I have been thinking about you a lot today. Daddy and I went to a new therapist last night and had a very good experience. We went together and it was so interesting to hear your Daddy tell his interpretation of your life, your disease and your death. I feel like I have had a really hard time getting past your disease. I think it is because for the last month of your life, we were completely consumed with the management of it all. I want to be able to focus more on where we were before we knew you were sick. I want to focus on the months of good times, not the bad.<\/p>\n
I also feel like I am sort of at a stand still in my life while everybody else is moving on around me. Children are growing and learning new things I have these sad feelings knowing that you should be doing the same. If I do think too far into the future, I then feel guilty about it…like I’m somehow leaving you behind, and that upsets me even more. While I get great joy in seeing my friends’ and families’ children growing up, I get a lot of what if’s in my head as well. Who would have walked first? What fruits and veggies would be your favorites? What kind of baby-proofing would we have done to the house? What kind of forward-facing carseats would we have bought? It’s like the past is consuming me with this sadness about losing you and the future is consuming me with where we should have been as a family. So, I guess I’ll just continue living day-to-day, thinking about you, loving you, missing you and trying to be a better person for you. I love you!<\/p>\n
Love,
Mommy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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