{"id":52,"date":"2009-07-29T01:28:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-29T01:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/2009\/07\/29\/explaining-myself\/"},"modified":"2009-07-29T01:28:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-29T01:28:00","slug":"explaining-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/?p=52","title":{"rendered":"Explaining Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"

I just want to start out by saying thank you to all of the readers out there who still come back and check out our girlies. I’m sorry for dropping off my post last night so I wanted to explain myself. A lot of times when I write, it is from work so if I add pictures, I am limited to only pictures I’ve uploaded to my Snapfish account. Last night, I wrote from home, where I had every single picture we’d ever taken at my fingertips. As I was going through them to find a picture of Great Grandma Muriel with ‘her babies’, I came across the last picture we took of the two of them together; alive. The picture was taken the night before Carynne died and she was in the same outfit she was wearing when she was rushed to the hospital early the next morning. When she died, Jake tried giving her mouth-to-mouth and in the process, her entire stomach emptied onto herself, him and the blanket she was sleeping on. When I got to the hospital, she was naked and they handed me her clothes in a plastic bag. I took the bag home and because our entire lives turned upside down, it sat in the family room for about four days before I realized it was there.<\/p>\n

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Last night, when I saw that picture, it took me back to that day when I discovered the bag, opened it and all I could smell was Carynne and her last moments. I threw the bag away about 2 seconds after I had opened it. The sensible side of me thinks it would have been silly and disgusting to keep a bag full of puke-covered clothes, the irrational side of me wishes I hadn’t thrown it away because it had her on it. I don’t regret throwing it away, but I do regret the thoughtlessness with which I did.<\/div>\n
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There are still clothes in their hamper that I haven’t gotten around to washing. I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t know what all is in the hamper; there might be something VERY stinky in there, but I won’t even look in there. Hell, I can barely walk into their room, let alone go through their stuff.<\/div>\n
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As far as the picture goes, for now it will stay in the computer. I have refrained from posting pictures of them on the blog where they looked sick. I have tried to keep the pictures as upbeat as possible. But, maybe I’m not being honest with myself or with you. However raw they might be, maybe I need to show the world what it was really like for us during those last few weeks; how painful it was to see our sweet girlies laying there, hooked up to oxygen tanks and O2 monitors and apnea machines. But, then again, that’s not what I want to remember most about them. I want the world to know about this hateful disease, but I don’t want the disease to define my babies.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just want to start out by saying thank you to all of the readers … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","latest_post"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=52"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=52"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=52"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=52"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}