{"id":31,"date":"2009-11-05T02:41:00","date_gmt":"2009-11-05T02:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/2009\/11\/05\/unexpected-panic\/"},"modified":"2009-11-05T02:41:00","modified_gmt":"2009-11-05T02:41:00","slug":"unexpected-panic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sweetgirlies.net\/?p=31","title":{"rendered":"Unexpected Panic"},"content":{"rendered":"

**This post has to do with a visit to a doctor’s office so guys might not want to read (not that I have guy readers, except for you, Chad)**<\/p>\n

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Today I had my yearly exam at Dr. B’s office. It very much took me by surprise. Being back in that office, in those rooms, with all of those familiar faces ended up being very difficult on me. Before, when I was there, I was filled with so much hope, so much pride, so much love for my sweet girlies who were growing inside of me. But today it was so different. I just felt so lost and empty and alone.<\/div>\n
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I sat in a quiet room, alone, waiting on the doctor and through the thin walls I could hear the sound of a heartbeat on an NST machine. It made me so scared. Scared that I might never get to carry an extra heartbeat again. Scared that if I do, I will be so filled with worry I won’t be able to enjoy it. Scared that my previous experiences will somehow take away from new ones. By the time the doctor came in, I was in a full-blown panic. She barely had a chance to say hello before I was a sobbing mess. I just felt so overwhelmed.<\/div>\n
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I got through the rest of the appointment and then met up with Dr. B. for a quick chat. She wanted to talk about future ‘what ifs’ but I told her that right now, my life is completely on hold. I have absolutely nothing going for me and until I get my shit straightened out, there are no what ifs.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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