Have you ever had such an intense dream that you wake up and can’t tell if it was real or not? I had one last night and I woke up actually crying. In my dream, we were at Jake’s mom and dad’s house opening Christmas presents and I was sitting on the couch bawling because nobody would acknowledge that our babies weren’t there. When I woke up, I couldn’t get it out of my head and it’s pretty much put me in an all day funk. The sad thing is, the dream isn’t that far from the truth with either of our families. It hurts.
On another note, I have tried to avoid feeling like ‘why us?’ since the day the girls were diagnosed. I was able to redirect my feelings for quite a while, but they’re slowly starting to creep in. I know it is part of the grieving process to question everything surrounding the girls’ lives, but this is a hard one to get past. I wonder why our babies? why now? I read about negligent parents, I see them in the stores, I hear them yelling at their kids, and I actually get angry at them for not cherishing what they’ve got. I want to take them and put them in my place and make them see what they have and how thankful they should be. I want them, for just a tiny second, to feel the pain that I feel every single day, and I want them to know how lucky they are to have their babies. But, I know I can’t do that. I can’t force my opinions on somebody else. All I can do is hope that the change that our girls made in this world will some day reach them.
Your lovely girls do matter. Every time I become impatient with my children, I stop and remember that I have them. They are here. Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking journey.
I haven't forgotten about your girls either. I think about you, and your girls all the time. Your story makes me love and appreciate my twins so much more because life can be so short. Thank you for sharing your journey.
~jessarella~ (The Bump)
I know that I don't have kids of my own, but the girlies have made me appreciate my life now, and my future life, more than I thought possible!!!! Wether you know it or not, they are changing the lives of us all with every breath we take…we are forever in their debt!!! I love you guys, and I love the girls with all my heart!!! Hang tough 😉 You are AMAZING!!!!!
I'll never forget your babies. Ever. I wish I could be there with you, good days and bad ((hugs))
Your girls matter and are not forgotten. I think of you every day when my oldest throws a temper tantrum and the babies are crying and fussing. Sometimes I want to scream in frustration, but I remember how lucky I am to be frustrated with these trivial problems. Sending love and hugs your way.
Interestingly your girls do impact other parents. Maybe not the kind of parents that you want to impact, but they do impact us.
I think of you and your girls daily too. My oldest is putting the term "terrible twos" to shame and there are days I am very short on patience and want to rip my hair out. But I stop for a moment and think of the pain I imagine you are living with (fully knowing I have NO idea the depth of it). And then I thank God that I have these transient frustrations at all. I can't thank you enough for sharing your life and your girls' lives with all of us.
Just another MoM from the bump letting you know that your girls have made me appreciate what I have so much more. I think of you all regularly and am constantly awed by the grace and strength with which you deal with your devastating loss.