In honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would take a little time to talk about me and Jake.
One statement we hear all the time (at least once a week) is “I don’t know how you guys do it.” And to that I usually say that I don’t either. I can’t explain why I am still here or how I am able to wake up every morning or how I am able function in a semi-normal way. All I know is that I am here and so is Jake and sometimes, even when we’re alone on a raft in the middle of the ocean, we’re still here together.
Trust me, we have our moments! There are days that we want nothing to do with each other. There are days when we get really mad at each other for really little, insignificant stuff. We will yell at each other, storm away in anger, slam doors and break down in tears of anger. We don’t know why we act the way we do, it’s just that sometimes we get all of these bottled-up emotions and there is nowhere else to throw them except at each other. If I could explain it, I would, but it’s like they’re just there and sometimes they make no sense at all.
Thankfully, we usually recognize what we’re doing to each other, and when the dust settles, we come back to each other, seeking forgiveness, kind words, hugs and usually a trip to get ice cream or coffee to talk it out and make things better. Once we’re back to good, we see that it is still just us, together, trying to survive with each other and hopefully get better with each other along the way.
So to Jake, I am so thankful that you are on this road with me, because I could not have walked this with anybody but you. You put me in the folds of your arms when it gets to be too much for me and you let me know I am safe and that we will get through this together. You predict a bad moment or a sad memory sneaking up on me and you put out that fire before it starts to burn out of control within me. You tell me what I need to hear, when I need to hear it, but most importantly you know when to say nothing at all and just let me have my moment. I can only hope that I have been as good a partner to you as you have been to me. I can only hope that we continue to survive together and that we never lose sight of what we are, what we have, what we’ve had and what we hope to be one day.
And one more note…a year ago today a wonderful woman came to take pictures of the girls. She lovingly gave of her time and resources just so that we could have some beautiful memories. I am so thankful for the images she has given to us. There is no way we would have known at the time that one short week later our girls would be gone.
These are the images that come to my mind every time I think of your girls. They are precious and in my mind forever.
You and Jake inspire me…that's all I have to say…
I found you through the multiples and more network; multiple angels. I am a mother of identical twin boys. They were only with us for for a short time as they were stillborn at 19 weeks. My heart breaks for you and your husband. I know our situations are so very different, but at the same time I know what it is like to loose 2 children and all those dreams of twin things in one big swoop. This post really hits home and I was tempted to copy and past it into my blog as your words described my feelings so accurately. Thank you for sharing your blog.
Wow. Everytime you post my heartbreakes, over and over. Your girls are beautiful.
I love these pictures of the girls, amazingly beautiful. The first one is adorable; just sisters hanging out and talking. These pictures made me smile.
These are the most beautiful photos! I remember when you shared them a year ago and they warmed my heart. Those precious faces will forever be engraved in my mind.
Still praying for you.
I am so glad that you posted these pictures again! I so love them, they are beautiful!!!
What a beautiful post.
And I love, love those pictures. 🙂 Takes me back to sitting at the table with you looking through stacks of those wonderful pictures of gorgeous Sydney and Carynne. 🙂 I'm so glad I got to "meet" them through those pictures, their trees and your stories. I think of them often; they truly have touched my life.
Beautiful girls. My heart breaks as I read your posts because like you said at the beginning, I don't know how you do it. But I know you were chosen for a reason to be these two beautiful, precious girl's parents for a reason. They were lucky to have you as their mommy and daddy.