Dear Sweet Girlies,
I miss you so much today. Carynne, I miss the way you suck in your bottom lip when you’re getting ready to smile; I miss the way you hold onto your puppy’s ear; I miss dancing with you when Ellen dances; I miss holding your hand while feeding you; I miss laying beside you on the floor and talking to you. Sydney, I miss the bubbles you blow; I miss the way you get so excited and start breathing hard when we’re playing; I miss you ‘lifting weights’; I miss smelling your stinky feet.
I miss hearing all of your machines. Just a month ago you were living without the assistance of oxygen and in such a short time we had to continually increase your liter flow. I’m sorry if we pushed it on you too much. I miss watching your Oximeters. I think I became addicted to checking your numbers…making sure your oxygen was at 100% and your heart wasn’t beating too fast. I miss that stupid noisy suction machine. I know you hated it, but it helped you. They came and took all of your machines yesterday and at the time I was glad because I don’t want to remember you being hooked up to machines, but today the house is too quiet. The phones have stopped ringing; the front door is locked; it’s just me and your daddy left to pick up the pieces.
I was doing laundry this morning and you still had clothes in the dryer. Every piece I pulled out was the cutest thing you’d ever worn. Every piece brought me comfort and tears at the same time.
I am so lucky that I got to be your mommy, if just for a short time. Thank you so much for letting me get to know you and love you like I have never loved before. Thank you for the countless sleepless nights, the dirty diapers and the constant worry. Thank you for all of the firsts; I think my heart melted the first time I held you in my arms; the first time I saw you smile; the first time I heard you talking to each other over the monitors; the first time you wanted nobody but me.
It’s hard not to be sad, but I’m really trying to be strong for you. I know that your bodies weren’t meant for this world, but your souls are with us forever!
Love,
Mommy
I have followed all your posts for a while, and I just want to say how sorry I am for your family’s loss. I know it will get easier as time goes on, but friend lost her doughter almost 4 years ago, and she still talks about her all the time, but I know it gets easier. Just be strong and keep their memories alive.
Ashley
Brook,
I think you nailed it – their bodies weren’t meant for our world but their souls and memories will live on forever with you and your husband. I am so sorry for your loss. Your girls are healthy in Heaven and will never have trouble breathing again.
I am so incredibly sorry that you are having to go through this. May God give you and yours all the strength that you need to get through this, my family will be praying for yours.
Much Love
What a beautiful post. My heart breaks for you and your husband. I just want you to know that I am thinking and praying for you and your family. May God bless you and give you peace.
Praying for you. What wonderful parents you were to these beautiful baby girls. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Brook and Jake,
You are so lucky to have be the parents of these sweet girls just as they were lucky to have had you both as their mommy and daddy. I am so beyond sorry for your loss and wish there were something I could do, even to lessen your pain for just one minute. You are in my prayers.
Heather.D on the nest
Brook, thank you so much for sharing your precious babies with us. My heart breaks a thousand times for you and your grief. Their heart will beat on in all our memories. You don't have to try to be brave, it's ok to cry and be upset. (((hugs))) <- not enough of these in the world
Wendy/ Faery
Brook, I am loss for words. What you wrote is so beautiful. May you and Jake find peace in your hearts again someday, and just know the girls are dancing because they are together again.
Brook,
Such an amazingly beautiful post. Your girls have touched so many lives. Thank you for sharing them with us. You are such a strong, brave mommy — my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. My heart breaks for what you have been through.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am offering a ton of {{{hugs}}} too.
Sara (beefsbride)
Brook,
This post made me appreciate your girls even more. Carynne and Sydney have left this world a better place. I am proud to know you (even though it’s not in person), I am proud to know your story and proud to be associated with a warrior mom like yourself. You give me strength, and remind me that the daily grind of motherhood is for a reason. I think of you many times through the day…especially when I start to ask “why me…why this child??” and remember you once asked me that.
Your girls are my rock to push forward everyday now.
All my love,
Annie (sweater)
Brook,
You are not only an amazing person, but a truly amazing mother as well. I cannot express to you how heartbroken I am over your loss. May God be with you and your family.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. I cannot believe your strength. You are an amazing mother. They were too pure and too perfect to live here on earth and you will be with them again.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
You are such an inspiration to me. Your girls are in my thoughts daily. What a beautiful reflection you wrote on celebrating your girls memory. They are together now watching over you and taking care of eachother the way sisters should.
Love, ~Jessarella~
Brook,
You put that in such perfect words. Your girls love you very much and always will. My thoughts are with you.
Lindsay
http://www.rememberingavi.blogspot.com
You and your two beautiful angels are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you all. God bless.
Bless you Brook! May the memories give you comfort during this hard time. We’re all thinking about you and praying for you!
Ashlee (bluestar0527)
I think I loved it most when you said.. everything you pulled out of the dryer was the cutest thing you ever wore. Of course it was. They would make any outfit more beautiful than it already was.
My heart is broken for you. I hope you are able to find peace in their peace. All in time. Please take care of your self.
Jen- everafterinmi
My heart aches for you! I have followed you story from the bump and I want you to know what special, beautiful girls you have. They have both touched so many lives- more than you will ever know. They are an inspiration to so many! Your precious girls are in my thoughts as are you, your husband, and your family.
Brook,
I am so sorry that you and your husband have to go through this. No one should have to experience this type of pain. Life can be so cruel at times. But please know that your little girls knew how much you loved them and now that are both in Heaven, able to enjoy a life without machines. They will always look down on you and will forever be your Guardian Angels. God Bless You.
RoseMarie (RoAnt05 – thebump)
Can’t even imagine. Oh you are so strong.
You and your whole family are always in my thoughts, Brook.
You are such a strong amazing mother. I can not imagine the heartache you and your family are dealing with. Our son has type 2 sma so I truly understand your struggle with the disease. Your babies are angels now and not suffering any more. You are in my thoughts all the time. Stay strong. You have so many praying for you.
Beautiful words for your little angels. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))
Brook,
You are so strong and such an amazing mother. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I only hope that you and Jake will one day find peace. May your sweet little angels rest in peace.
Brook,
I am amazed by your strength and the beauty of your words. I feel honored that you shared your children and your story with so many of us. I pray that you find comfort in the many beautiful memories of those sweet, sweet girls of yours.
Sara
Brook, I am so so sorry. Your beautiful girls are missed by so many people, and thought of constantly at so many homes, mine included. I lost my little Jack at three months and thought nothing could make me appreciate my two girls more than i already did. Your sweet babies did… in the last few days I hold them even closer, and love them even harder than i thought possible. Your girls are angels, and some day you will hold them and love them again… Lots of prayers for your family. Megan Malia
That is the most beautiful love letter I have ever read in my life. Your little girls were blessed to have such a strong mommy & daddy! You're in my thoughts & prayers.
What a beautiful post. I am sorry your girls couldn’t stay longer. Many prayers to you and your family.
Brook, I’ve been following your story and my heart just breaks for your sweet little girls. You are such a strong mom! Please know that a lot of people are thinking of you and your family in this difficult time and your little girls will be missed and remembered even by people you’ve never met before.
My heart breaks for you. I hope you can draw strength from the fact that you gave your girls a lifetime of happiness and love. You are an inspiration to everyone who has read your story and seen how you love.
I am not sure there will ever be words to show the immense love and support that we all hope can hold you up during this time. I am so very sorry that your sweet girls are gone. Their light shines so bright through your words.
You are such an amazing strong beautiful Mommy. My heart breaks for you and your husband. My prayers are with you and your sweet daughters.
Brook,
I’m so sad that you had so little time with your precious, beautiful girls. They have touched so many lives and will always, always have each other. You and your husband are amazing parents – the strongest I’ve ever “met.” I wish you strength in this incredibly trying time. Please know your family is in my daily thoughts and prayers.
-aimee (coffee bean)
Brook
Thank you soo much for sharing your BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT girlies with us. We are all better people for having “known” them.
Lindsi (SNL0605)
I heard about your girls via the Nest and my heart is absolutely broken with the news of the loss of your precious little girls. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now and I’m so sorry that you are now separated from your sweet princesses.
You are amazingly strong. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers as you walk this road in the days ahead. ((HUGS))
Oh, I’m so sorry. May your heart heal.
I pray that you find strength and comfort in these hard times. Just know that there are people out there praying for you.
I am so sorry for your loss and pray for your peace in this difficult time. I have a Type I SMA daughter myself and feel so much for you. Please know I’ll be thinking and praying for you both as you work through the days ahead. May the girls continue to give you signs from heaven.
Brook, your girls are blessed to have two amazing parents who love them so much. I know they have touched my heart and so many others, they will never be forgotten. Your story from the very first day has made me love and appreciate my girls even more. I make sure to never miss an opportunity to kiss and hug them knowing just how precious our time together is. I am sending many hugs your way and remember we are all here for you if you ever need anything.
Melissa (MelZull)
Brook,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls. This post was beautiful and shows what a strong woman you are. Sending lots of prayers your way for strength and peace to get through the coming hours, days, and weeks. Know that sharing your story has made an impact on so many lives and your sweet, sweet girls will be remembered forever. Take good care and god bless.
((big hug)) April (twins103107)
We are so sorry for your loss! What beautiful babies!! We will be praying for strength for you. I wish there was more we could do! your post was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes – what a wonderful mommy you are!
With much love and hugs.
Kate, Ryan, Mary and Jackson Nelson
I am so very sorry for your loss. It seems like such an insignificant thing to say, when the pain must be so overwhelming. I wish that there was something that I could do, or that things could be different. But, please know that you, and your little Carynne and Sydney, have touched many people and many hearts all over the world. And I know that many of us will be praying for all of you, and thinking of you, for a very long time.
Jody (jodynjames2005)
Brook-
I found your blog through The Nest, and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your beautiful girls. I just wish I could hug you and say anything at all to make it hurt less. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
brook, i am so very sorry. words cant convey the depth. i am praying for you and jake. so glad that your girls had such loving parents while on this earth.
Brooke and Jake,
Your girls are beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss, but I know they have touched your life as no other person or event ever could. I have twins, boy/girl, and one of my twins, my Jake, has type I SMA. I will continue tt pray for you and your husband and your beautiful daughters, they have some special parents!
Jennifer
You are in our prayers. What a precious letter. Your last lines sum it up perfect. Hugs
My heart is breaking for you and your family. I’m so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls. You are an amazingly strong mom. You and Jake are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Sweet Girlies…you touched more hearts in your short visit than most people do in a lifetime. Your mom and dad know forever the meaning of life and were blessed with the privilege of guiding you in your purpose. They will be stronger and wiser because of you. Godspeed sage little hashers and please save us a seat at the Great On-After. On-on.
I’m so sorry for your loss, your daughters are beautiful! I cannot imagine what you are going through. I know your daughters will forever live through the lives that they touched. I will continue the fight to help try and find a treatment or cure to the terrible disease that claimed your daughters. May they rest in peace in the arms of the Lord, he has two more angels.
I am so sorry for your loss. They are beautiful baby girls and I hope someday sooner than later, the days bring you peace and comfort. I can’t even imagine.
My heart broke when I heard the news. My heart breaks for you. I really don’t know what to say. You girls are beautiful, they have touched many hearts in their short lives. Our prayers are with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Brook,
Thank you so much for sharing your girls with us. They have touched so many lives and have made me a better mother. I hope you and Jake will find peace at some point and that you always know how much your sweet girls are loved.
Sara
(jasonlovessara)
Brook,
My heart and prayers are with you and Jake as you walk thru this difficult time. We have prayed every night since we found out for you and your family. You are an incrediable mother and an amazing woman. Know that you are surrounded by more love than you will every realize. Much love, many hugs and know we are ALL here for you to cry and remember with.
love and prayers,
tamlyn aka goldenmama.
Brook,
Words can’t express how much my hearts breaks for your family. It truly isn’t fair. Just please know how much we are all thinking and praying for you and keeping your girls in our thoughts.
Marie (winterbuckeye)
What a beautiful tribute to your daughters! May God bless you and your DH. You have SOOO many people thinking of you and praying for you all. I admire your strength. I am certian your sweet little girls do too.
My heart, as so many here have said before me, is breaking for you. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I really am at a loss for words, but I just wanted to let you know that your family is in my thoughts and heart…
I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughters.
I read your story on the nest but just now learned you had your own blog. I’m so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girls. They have touched so many of us and will never be forgotten. The love you have for them is so clear to us in the way you write about them and I have no doubt that it was just as clear to them. All my love, Busted.
I am also from the Nest and one of the girls on our board had followed and posted your story. My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you grieve the loss of your precious angels. I do admire your last statement… their souls and memories will remain to comfort you forever. Blessings of hope and encouragement,
Dawn
i am so sorry for the loss of your baby girls. their lives were short, but they touched so many heart. sending you prayers for strength + comfort.
Here from the Nest, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls. You and your family are in my thoughts.
I am so so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family that you find peace and healing. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. Please know we are here and praying so hard for you.
my heart goes to you…
I am so so sorry for your loss. It is something I can not even imagine. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
What a sweet letter for your sweet girls. I have been praying for you and your family.
May you be comforted by their memory. It makes me remember that each day is a gift and that we never know what it will bring. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Rebekah from the nest
Another nestie following your story and offering you love, support, and prayers. Your girls are truly angels now, angels who have touched so many and will live on forever in this way. I know that a parent will never truly get over the loss of a child, but I pray that you and your husband will find healing and peace through time. Please know that so many of us are praying for you and sending you our love.
Brook, my heart aches for you and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Your girls have touched my heart. I admire your strength.
My heart just aches and breaks, my thoughts and prayers are with you! xoxo, Mindy
My heart is just breaking! Will be praying for you.
Brook, my heart is heavy for your family. I know that while you are thankful to have those precious girls for a short while, you are heart broken not to have had them for so much longer.
I’m praying for you all.
Brook, Your sweet girls touched so many of us. Even though you did not ever see them smile at you, they were smiling with their whole hearts on the inside. They are so lucky to have you as their mommy. May God surround your house with peace, love, and healing.
Love, Sara (blueladybug)
Brook,
Although I don’t know you, I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and your husband. My heart breaks for you and the loss of your girls. They were lucky to have you as their momma. You are amazing!
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you!
My heart breaks into a million piece for you and your family..I hope and pray with time, that you will be able to heal. I wish you and your husband the best of luck, and I pray that the hand of God will be on the both of you to help you through this horribly hard time..I think you have got to be one of the strongest people I actually “know” at this point..I am going to keep you in my prayers..((((HUGS)))))
I am so sorry for your loss. Your girls were just beautiful. You are in my thoughts. My heart just breaks for you.
I am so sorry about the loss of your beautiful girls. They will always be in your heart and soul. Many prayers to you and your family.
I am so damn sorry. This breaks my heart. You are in my prayers.
I am so unbelievably sorry. This was such a beautiful post in memory of your girls. I will be praying for you and your husband and family. God bless.
From one heartbroken Mommy to Another…
Im so sorry for your heartache. I am so sorry that your sweet babies were taken far too soon. Tomorrow marks 16 months since our 5 month old daughter Liberty, passed away. Reading past posts brought tears to my eyes because it sounds like our daughters all went through similar trials – the choking spells, fevers, not being able to eat, etc. Our daughter was diagnosed after bith with a very rare genetic disorder – the first in the world – no name or anything…but was given a good out look. She ended up spending 4 months in the hospital and then they basically kicked us out, saying they couldn’t do anything else for her..so we brought her home and she was on hospice care for that final month. She died the day before my birthday on October 27, 2007. We miss her dearly and still don’t know “why” but we know that God is the same today as yesterday and tomorrow. God is good all the time and I praise his name that we WILL be with our babies in Heaven. I pray that you feel Gods arms wrapped tightly around you tonight..feel free to email me anytime. momleavingalegacy@yahoo.com
God bless you both and your sweet babies,
Kelly
My heart breaks for you and your husband. Your words were a beautiful tribute to your girls, it shows how much they were loved. They are in a wonderful place now with no pain, they are together. I admire your strength. Lots of love
I am so sorry to have read about your loss. Your girls were gorgeous and adorable and I’m glad I got to learn about them on your blog. A million thoughts and wishes for strength and love being sent from me to you.
Brook and Jake,
I am so sorry. I cried when I found out. My heart and soul ache for you. Your beautiful little girls have forever touched my life.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Shayna
Another Nestie here, sending love and prayers your way….
((HUGS)) I know there are no words… We only lost one child to SMA too early; I can’t imagine the pain of losing two. My heart breaks for you and your family. You’ll be in my thoughts all day and I’m going to go wear pink for those beautiful girls.
I’m just a stranger from the nest, but have been following your story and wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you find some comfort in knowing how many hearts, all across the country, that your sweet girlies have touched. I really feel like reading of your love for them has helped me to love my own daughters just a little bit deeper.
Brook,
That was such a beautifully written tribute to such beautiful girls. You are an amazing woman. Please know that your family is in the prayers and thoughts of many and your girls have forever touched and changed many lives.
Brook,
this is from a fellow MoM …
“I am proud of the mother she is. That she is changing each of our stories for the better by sharing hers.”
Claire Green
Came upon your post today…
Brook- I hope and pray for you and your husband. May God bless you as you get through this weekend and the days to come.
Blessings,
Rebecca<><
Another nestie here who has followed your story. My heart goes out to you and your DH. You will be in my thoughts and prayers
I am so very sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers.
I have read your blog several times but never posted a comment. Mostly b/c I would cry so hard for you while I read along, and when I was finished I was speechless and couldn’t find the right words to say.
I am still speechless but now I feel like I must tell you what an amazing Mother you are. I have never met you yet I look up to you and admire you so much. I’ll never forget you or your little ones for as long as I live. Your family has truley touched my heart.
I pray for you every single day and I’ll continue to do so….now more than ever. I pray that God will be with you during this difficult time and I pray that time will ease the pain.
God bless.
What a beautiful letter. I am continuing to pray for your family, and I’m so thankful for the support and love you have from everyone here and in real life. Your girls were so loved by many people, and I think in a way, we are all feeling a loss with them no longer being here in body – but I know I still feel their presence every time I think of them.
I know we don’t know one another but I just wanted you to know that I am holding you and your family in my prayers. I am so proud of you for being so strong and your girls would be too. Please know that I will hold my son a little tighter tonight and enjoy every moment with him in honor of you and your sweet girls. They are lucky to have you for a mom.
This comment has been removed by the author.
I LOVE YOU BOTH…
and aunti sonya misses the girls every moment of everyday…always
I am so so sorry. Prayers. Lots of prayers for you. I can’t even grasp the pain you must be enduring. My heart just hurts for you. Please try to hold on to your faith and know you will be with your sweet daughters again.