A letter to the girlies:

Syd and Rynners,

We have so many memories together, yet it seems like so few. Time just flew by from August to February. I can still vividly remember the sequence of events that led me to hearing some of the most awful news in my life. Greg, Nate, and I were shopping and your mommy called me. She asked what I was doing around 6:30 because she wanted all of us to meet at your house. I could tell your mommy was upset and I asked her a few times what was wrong; she wouldn’t say over the phone just that I needed to be at your house later. I have never rushed through a store like I did after that phone call, I was frantic just throwing things in the cart and running to the check out. Knowing now the news your mommy and daddy had for us I think to myself “what an idiot” for being so nosey and wanting to get the information from your mommy over the phone. As I was on my way home to drop of Greg and Nate your Auntie Sonya called in a panic because your mommy and I had been trying to call her, we just knew something wasn’t right. It only took about 20 minutes from your mommy’s phone call to me actually getting to your house, but it seemed to take forever. You girls were coming home from the hospital this day, so I tried to calmly go into your house and at least make sure you both returned from the hospital, whew- ok there you both were. I saw your Aunt Gwen standing in the dining room; it was obvious she had been crying. I saw that she couldn’t even look at your mommy without loosing it and then I saw her look at you two and have to go into the other room sobbing. “What the hell is going on here?” I thought, I was ready to vomit! I’m so sorry your daddy had to choke through the story of your diagnosis and tell us that you were given a life expectancy. I sat there in disbelief as I looked around the room at everyone else, I could see the confusion on everyone’s face. I was sitting next to your mommy while she was holding you Sydney, I had never seen your mommy cry like that, the raw pain and heartbreak. Girlies, I’m sorry you had to see me cry like I did so ugly and hysterical. As I sat there on the couch holding you Sydney I was thinking to myself “this has to be an awful nightmare, wake up! This seriously is not happening right now” “you mean to tell me that this is the point where I start creating our last memories together.” I called your “uncle” Greg and he couldn’t understand me, he kept telling me to breath because he feared I was going to have an asthma attack. His response to the news was “oh my god….no…seriously?….oh god.”

When you girls passed I couldn’t believe it, “wait a minute….the doctors said…..but no it’s only been five weeks!” I was and still am so proud of your mommy and daddy’s strength. I don’t deal well with funerals in general, so I tried my absolute hardest to be strong for you mommy and your Auntie Sonya. I commend Auntie Sonya for being by your mommy’s side and helping take care of your arrangements. It’s good to know that we all have such a strong bond that we can be each other’s rock when we need it. I did decent during your viewing, but I cried start to finish at your funeral, you just looked like two sleeping babies snuggling in the bassinet. I tried so hard to compose myself on my way up to say goodbye to you two for the last time, but it was impossible and the more I tried to hold the grief in the stronger it became. Giving your mommy a hug was what finally broke what small bit of composure I had obtained.

So many people love you and miss you. You have no idea how many people’s lives have changed from your short time here. You made me appreciate the little things and take nothing for granted. You’ve made me a better mother to Nate because I have learned to cherish every moment I am given with him. You’ve made me a better friend because I fully understand just how special a friendship is the way we have all pulled together around your mommy and daddy. I know you are holding hands in heaven and looking over us right now. I know that Nate will never wreck his bike because he has two guardian angels watching over him.

**I have one small favor to ask of you girls. My grandpa got to heaven a little over two weeks before you both did. Can you please check up on him every now and again and give him a kiss for me?

Thank you for being you, so wonderful. I love you both so much!