I went Saturday morning to get some groceries at Meijer and while in the baby section I saw the most adorable little swimsuits for girlies. They were little bikinis and I just pictured you two looking so cute in those little swimsuits. This made me smile…… 🙂
Yesterday your mommy, Sonya, Erin, and I did a workout at Sonya’s pool. There was a moment after we were done working out and I was alone for a second putting our picnic together that you were on my mind again. I just thought about how I would love you see you girlies playing at the pool in your little swimsuits. How I wish that your mommy could get to do all the normal summer things that mommys and girlies do. How I wish your mommy could do everyday mommy things like putting sunscreen on you so you wouldn’t get burnt playing at the pool. Staring at the pool I was picturing your mommy and I taking our little ones to the pool for a fun day. I was picturing you two splashing around in the pool with your boyfriend. I could almost hear your little giggles because of the fun you were having. I was wishing that you two, your mommy, Nate, and I could have our own little picnic after we were done playing. I was thinking about the fun little picnic treats I would make for us. I was thinking that Auntie Sonya would be there with us because your mommy might need help with two 11 month old girlies in the pool. I was having such a wonderful daydream and I was happy. But then I felt a sadness well up inside me and I had to pull myself together because Erin was coming over to sit with me. I felt like I was going to burst into tears so I had to shut off my daydream of us.
When your mommy and I were both pregnant I had already started these daydreams of all the fun you two and Nate would have. When I am in those moments that I had visioned it hurts because I know they’ll never get to happen they way I dreamed they would. It’s little moments like yesterday that make me miss you two so very much. I just wish we could create these memories I dreamed about.
Since I wrote about yesterday I am reliving my daydream and I am sad. I love you girlies and miss you everyday!
I'm sad with you. I don't know why I do this to myself, but maybe something in me thinks that if I share in all of your grief that maybe you don't have to carry so much of it.