Dear Carynne,
You left us five months ago today. It’s funny how time works…sometimes I feel like you just died yesterday and other times I feel like it’s been eons since I last got to hold you. I replay your death in my head over and over. It haunts me. I try to push it out of my head and turn to only good memories of you. Memories of you in your swing or wearing your too-big shoes or sucking in your bottom lip to smile. Those are the memories that need to stay in the front of my mind.
When I was getting ready to write this post to you, I thought about just doing a bunch of pictures. I was going through some files and came across a picture of you sleeping. Those pictures are really hard for me to look at. Both you and your sister look so quiet and peaceful and sweet in them, but they take me back to that time when you were too quiet and too peaceful and too much like porcelain baby dolls. When you were laying together in that bassinet and I had to say goodbye. When your daddy and I were the last ones standing in the room with you, his hand on my back, telling me it was time to go home.
As I go through this process, I will try not to dwell in the details of your death, I will try to refocus on our five and a half months of good. I love you.
Love,
Mommy
Remembering your sweet Carynne with you, Brook and Jake. Always. (Hugs)
Jake Jr….she looks so much like her daddy! I remember that Santa shirt Ryners, you wore it when you and Syd posed for Christmas pictures with your boyfriend. I miss you little lady! I love you, your boyfriend is sending kisses today 🙂
Carynne, Aunti Sonya loves and misses you so much!! Not a moment goes by that you aren't in my thoughts…I miss holding hands on the play mat…I miss helping Mommy change your diaper…I miss your beautiful eyes and your precious smile. The bottom line is…I just plain miss you.