Dear Sweet Girlies,
I miss you so much today. I am so mad that you aren’t here with me. I don’t care what anybody else says, you belong here with me. I am so sick and tired of hearing that everything happens for a reason and that’s why you two left me. I don’t think any reason is ever good enough! Today I’m just mad because I miss you so much and life seems so unfair. I just want to scream out; I want to yell at anybody that will listen to me. I want to know who makes up these stupid ‘reasons’ and why I wasn’t a part of this decision.
I have these ‘episodes’ two or three times a day that I call sneaky tears. I will just be sitting there, minding my own business, and my tears will start. If I’m at work, I go to the bathroom or I go outside or I go up to my car and wait things out. If I’m at home, they usually sneak up on me in the shower or in the middle of the night in bed. I get them a lot when I’m driving too…I’ll hear a song on the radio or I’ll see a mom and baby walking the Fall Creek Trail. Obviously, tonight they came while I was watching TV. Most of the time, they are a few quick sobs and I pull myself together. Tonight they overtook me; they filled my whole body with such a deep sadness that I feel like I have a black hole digging through to the very core of my being.
Writing to you helps a lot. It makes me feel like I’m talking to you. It makes me remember when I would talk to you about all the amazing things that your fresh little lives had waiting for you. Mostly though, it makes me feel like you’re with me, if just for a second. I know you’ve left me physically, be please don’t ever leave my heart. I love you too much to let you go.
Love,
Mommy
I know I've said this so many times before, but I wish there was something I could say to take away the pain. Just know I'm praying for you, I'm remembering your precious girls, and know that they are forever in your heart. Not where we wish they could be, I know.
Hugs and prayers…always.
You don't know me, but your story has shook me to my core. I continue to check in on your blog and can only hope that one day peace will come to you.
I too read your blog every day! I pray time after time that each day that goes by gets even a little easier for you, but I can imagine it'll never be easy. I'm so sorry that this happened and although nothing any of us can say will take away the pain know we're all praying!! Your girls are beautiful!!! Hang in there sweetie…they'll NEVER leave your heart!!
I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. I admire your strength and don't know how you are doing it. All cliches aside, this is just one shitty, unfair situation that no mother or father should ever have to be faced with. I am sorry. You are doing a lot of good, though, by sharing your story with so many strangers. It makes me appreciate my kids and when they start to get on my nerves, I remember how truly blessed I am, and I owe those little reminders to you sharing your story. So thank you.
<3 love you, Brook.
I wish I could take some of this from you. Nobody can and nobody will…but please know so many of us love you. It's not fair…it just isn't.
I think about you and the girls daily. I simply cannot begin to imagine the depth of grief you experience on a daily basis. It's not fair. It angers me for you. Your story has touched me to the core (as it has many others). Just know that there are countless people out there who are lifting you up in their thoughts and prayers, praying for strength for you to make it through each day.