Dear Sweet Girlies,
Today would have been your 10 month birthday. So far, today has been very hard, but it is early and I’m hoping things will get better. We are going to go visit your trees later and water them. It has been so hot here that I feel like they need tons of water. I have a confession to make…I cry a lot more than I let on. I cry in the shower; on the way to work; on the way home from work; in bed in the middle of the night. It’s just too hard not to. I just miss you too much. I miss the familiarity.
In one month I will be unemployed. I am so scared, mad, hurt, you name it. Work and routine is safe for me. I know what to expect each day and I can pretty well time when I have flashbacks to you. Once I am done working, I will have to figure out a new routine and it scares me to death. What if I am out and I lose it? What if I do something new with my life that makes me too busy, too distracted to think about you? I wish I could rewind my life. If I could, I would go back to October. To the days when Daddy and I were both home with you and we would spend the entire day just hanging out as a happy family of four. We would goof around and dance while we watched Ellen, we would go out for lunch and maybe run an errand or two, we would talk and laugh and play on the floor all afternoon.
I just want you to know how much I love you; how much I miss you.
Love,
Mommy
Brook,
I've been thinking about you all day, knowing it was most likely a tough one, but praying it wasn't so hard. I know it's so hard to leave something so familiar…and not know what to expect. New routines are hard to shape when you are missing a part of you so deeply.
Know I am praying for your mother's heart today and always.
Let the tears flow…
Hugs, my friend,
Julie
Brook
I know you write this blog for the girlies…but I want you to know how much your writings mean to so many of us. Those of us know don't really "know" you IRL but love you still the same. There isn't a moment that goes by when your girls are not thought of, loved, missed by SO many!
I am sure your heart is aching so….
let those tears fall if you need to…there is nothing wrong with that.
SNL0605
Just wanted to check in and say hi, thinking of you, Jake and the girls. You remain in my prayers and always in my heart.
Hugs,
Heather
I really hope you're able to find work that brings you a routine that helps you to remember the girls in the way that brings you any comfort.
My heart still hurts for you daily. You cry all that you need to….always feel free to call/email whatever…I don't care if it's in the middle of the night…I can be just a shoulder to cry to if you ever need.
my name is Jennifer and my daughter would have been 10 months on June 21st.. instead, she too is in heaven.. I cry all of the time too, and think to myself, instead of this I should be teaching her to walk, or anything else..I cry when I need to, I have pics all over my house of her.. I NEED to see her, She was real and here and will always be a part of me.. Whatever you are feeling at any given moment is fine, whatever you choose to do to remember them is up to you and is also fine.. I don't have much advice, but just cry when you need to.. we are mommies and it is our jobs to love our babies.. whether they are here with us, or in Heaven..