Nine Months

Dear Sweet Girlies,

Today would have been your nine month birthday. I can’t even tell you how much I miss you today. I was doing ok this morning, and then all of a sudden the grief took over me like a wave. It is hard. I’m trying to be strong for you. Your daddy and I have run into a little dilemma lately; what do we tell people when they ask about you? It’s hard to remember that not everybody in the entire world knows that we have two amazing, beautiful daughters. Some people that do know we have daughters don’t know that you were taken from us just three months ago. So, we have found ourselves in a sticky situation because we want the whole world to know about you both, but at the same time, we don’t want others to feel the pain of grief. It’s been a very tough decision for us to make and honestly, how we react to each situation changes every time. The one constant, though, is the long, uncomfortable pause. It seems to last for hours, hanging in the air.

I was searching through some pictures this afternoon. A co-worker of mine is doing a motorcycle ride for Riley Hospital and she wanted a picture of the two of you for the front of their motorcycle. When I was searching, I came across this picture of the two of you with Super-Daddy.

I love how he is carrying you both at the same time, like a pro. I remember those outfits…long-sleeved onesies with soft sleep sacks on top. You were so cozy and cuddly in them. You also slept so well in them that I went out and bought 4 more similar sleep sacks in the next size up. You never got to wear them. Thoughts like that make today hard.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy