A year ago yesterday we told everybody we were having two girls. We went in for our 20 week ultrasound and confirmed that they were little ladies. We found out at the previous ultrasound (16 weeks) but the tech wasn’t 100 percent sure, so we held off on telling anybody for four weeks until we had confirmation. Jake was pretty surprised and scared at first…he is an only child and had never been around kids, let alone little girls. I have no idea why he was nervous, because the minute he held those little girls, he became a natural. He bought them their first outfits to come home in. Sydney wore pink and Carynne wore blue. Even though they were preemie-sized outfits, they were still too big on them. We brought them home eight months ago today.
Even though we knew we were having girls, we didn’t buy a lot of clothes or other girly stuff. But, we were given tons of new outfits as gifts. To this day, their bedroom closet is full of stuff, separated into all of the different sizes and seasons. Gwen and I worked like crazy to get that closet organized. Everything on the top row is still unworn with tags on it. Even some stuff on the bottom shelf never got worn because the girls were so little.After they died, all of their clean laundry from the dryer got thrown into the crib. It is still sitting in there, waiting to be hung up or put into boxes. I walked in their room on Sunday to get all of their diapers and I just stood there smelling them…missing them. We took all of their diapers and left over formula to the battered women’s shelter, but I am just not ready to part with their clothes. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.
I happened upon your Blog from the nest, I am so sorry for your loss and I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. Your posts are so “real” and I appreciate they way you are able to give your raw emotions. Your sweet girlies are so beautiful and I know that god now holds them in his hands, but they are always by your side and on your toughest days they are there giving you angel kisses.
you and your Husband are in my prayers.
It’s okay if you’re never ready to part with them. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t.
And that is fine if you are not ready too part with them – pack them up and keep them. They all have memories.
My thoughts are with you and your husband.
Keep them sweety, it’s totally ok. Sending lots of love..
When and if you ever feel ready, maybe you could have a quilt made out of their clothes, something to snuggle under and wrap around you.
There is not one thing wrong with keeping them… Thinking of you.
You continue to do whatever you need to do to get through each day. You’re in my thoughts.
Brooke, I thought I was following along and hadn’t seen any updates in a while, but I was mistaken! So, I jumped over here and back dated myself and starting reading. Just let me say, I’m not completely caught up on all your entries, but my heart is still just so broken for you and Jake. My prayers are with you and as I follow along, I am loving my little girl just a little more for you, Sydney and Carynne.
I can’t imagine what you are facing, but I will find a way to make a difference because of your story and encourage others to do the same.
I’m here, for whatever that means to you. With much love, Mindy
xoxoxoxo