Girls~
I remember seeing the first picture of you inside Mommy’s tummy and my jaw hitting the floor when I counted two of you!!! I remember saying to Mommy and Daddy, “are there two of them in there???” and they said yes, identical twins.
I remember you NEVER kicking for Aunti Sonya!!! You would be kicking up a storm, but as soon as I touched Mommy’s belly, you would stop…you were such stinkers. But now I wonder if you were just playing the “fake sleep” game with me and I just didn’t know it. It would make sense, because after you were born you played it with us all the time:-)
I remember getting to hold you both at the hospital after you were born. You were so tiny and so beautiful. The joy on Mommy and Daddy’s face was priceless. They were so proud you belonged to them and so happy you had come into this world as perfect as you were!!! We were so excited as a “family” to be gaining such precious little girlies too.
I remember getting to feed you, rock you, sing to you and change your diapers too. See, I do those things for a living( I’m a nanny), but I loved every chance I got to do those things with you both.
I remember as you got bigger, Sydney you would smile at me all the time!!! I could always get a grin, a gooo sometimes a fart or two…lol. But Carynne, you didn’t think I was as funny as your sister did. It took a while, but right around 4 months you started smiling at me like crazy…and I loved it!!!
I remember Mommy and Daddy taking you to the hospital on New Years Eve because Carynne needed surgery. Aunti Jess and I were out with other friends trying to celebrate, but all we could think about was you guys. It just didn’t feel right not being there with you…so, we headed downtown to the hospital and high-fived at midnight in the parking garage.
I remember being in the living room when Mommy and Daddy told us what was going on with you both. I just remember crying…and saying a not so nice word over and over again. Shock and devastation can’t even begin to describe how I felt. You were both so tiny and fragile…aren’t we as your “family” supposed to protect you and keep you safe???
I remember seeing all the tubes, machines and medicines as they started coming into the house. It definitely was hard to see how much you both were going through, but you were still the most beautiful little girlies ever and I loved getting to help Mommy feed you, snuggle with you and hold your hands on the mat.
I remember getting a few calls from Mommy that changed my life. I felt such sadness when I drove to the hospital after you passed Carynne, that I wasn’t sure I’d make it. I felt such guilt at not being what Mommy needed right in that moment, but I just held her and watched your beautiful face…and we waited for Daddy. I remember feeling such deep grief and deep honor when Mommy and Daddy asked me to be with you Sydney in your final moments. You were so beautiful too.
I remember not wanting to leave Mommy’s side that entire week after you passed. I’m sure I drove her crazy!!! But I literally couldn’t function if I wasn’t in her presence…because in her presence, you both were there too.
I remember how I was on January 22nd…the day before you were diagnosed with Werdnig-Hoffman…and I know how I am now. You both have FOREVER changed my life in ways that I can’t even explain. You both showed me how precious life is, how beautiful a smile is, how captivating a “gooo” conversation can be with a baby, how small things just don’t f*#kin matter when you see two tiny girls having the fight of their life and constantly giving it their all.
I remember your bravery…I remember the light in your eyes…I remember how much I love and miss you…and I will always remember the lessons you taught me.
Mariska Hargitay Girlies
Love Aunti Sonya
so sweet…and a great letter of memory. i’m tearing up…
oh man. thanks for making me cry. 😛 brook is so lucky to have such wonderful friends, and sydney and carynne were so lucky to have wonderful aunties. i’m sorry for your loss, as well, sonya. 🙁
what a great letter….it's so nice that you're able to share your memories with everyone….it's nice to know that you're there for brook & her husband….and that you were there for her sweet little girlies too.
praying for strength..
You made me sob, Brook is so lucky to have such a great friend and Sydney and Carynne were so lucky to be so loved.