Dear Sydney and Carynne,
So, I was afraid that today would be very difficult for me because you should have turned 7 months old today. Instead, the day wasn’t so bad because I tried to fill my head with happy thoughts. Sydney, I was thinking of the time I put a little bit of chocolate on your tongue. You were pretty much in seventh heaven. I think that is the only proof that you were my baby; you loved sweets. Everything else about you mirrored your daddy. I do think it is ironic though because when we tried with you, Carynne, you didn’t like it so much. You were my girl through and through.
The other day on Ellen there was a movie trailor for “Where the Wild Things Are.” For some reason it made me very sad. I started crying because it made me miss you and miss all of the things I wanted you to experience. I think of all of the flowers coming up in the yard and it reminds me that you’ll never enjoy a spring. I planted some Stargazer Lillies for you in the corners of the yard and I really hope they come up. Daddy and I picked out Stargazers for the arrangement around your bassinet. They were beautiful, but not as beautiful as you.
I want to say ‘thank you’ for giving me so much strength. I feel selfish asking for more, but I know it will come with time. I want to go back to work and get back to a life among the rest of the world, but it is really hard for me sometimes. Little things, like babies in carseats and toys at Target, remind me of you and send me to a very dark place. A place where all I am consumed with is the sadness of missing you. I know I need to think about the times that we did have together, not the times that you will miss, but it is hard to pull myself out of the darkness.
I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Missing them with you. Don’t feel bad about being sad, Brook. It’s all right to be sad and wallow in that dark when you need to. We’ll all be here with you.
Faery/Wendy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!!! I love you so much and miss you all the time. I want to tell you how much Ej misses you too…he was telling me the other day how you were two of his best friends. Then he said, “they are still my friends because heaven is only a mile away and i know they are with me all the time”…you are in our every thoughts and prayers and we miss you soooooo much!!!
Hugs! I hope you can find all the strength you need. Happy Birthday girls!
I don’t know if you’ll remember me or not, I’m a nurse on the infant unit at Riley. Kindra. I took care of Carynne first, then was working the day Sydney came is by ambulance. I randomly found your blog though other blogs I read, really random, I know! I just wanted to tell you, I’m so sorry for the loss of your girlies. There are a lot of people on infant unit who think of you and your family often. I wish there was something I could say to help, but there’s not. Just know that you and your family touched a lot of lives in the short times we got to spend with you.